Men & Emotion

We are in a time unlike no other. We come from a past where it had been stigmatized that if men showed emotion they were weak.

A past where it was more acceptable to bury your demons rather than seek help to vanish them all together.

While these stigmas are still prevalent, we are uncovering a new set of societal acceptances. The though in which men should hide their emotion in order to appear “manly” is left for older generations and those newer ones who are being taught the same. If you’re stuck in the same routine and feel prisoner to your past, you should read Stop Doing That Shi* by Gary John Bishop. It’s highly interactive, amusing, and straight to the point!


The truth is– it takes a greater man to show emotion like pain, happiness, and sorrow than not. It’s difficult to show any sort of “weakness”, but even harder to allow themselves assistance.

Believe it or not, men and women are not all that different in this aspect. We love, we hate, we become sad and affected by the general woes of the world.

Wearing your heart on your sleeve is not a sign of weakness–but strength. It takes a real man to articulate pain and sadness; to show happiness and joy. I recommend you read The Emotionally Unavailable Man: A Blueprint for Healing. Its compassionate and revealing and a very fair read.

When those of the past exclaim weakness as a virtue of emotion, ask how happy they truly are. Perhaps instead of allowing this alternate reality of digging your emotions deeper within and refusing to show true emotion, we should rebrand the definition of manliness.

According to Dictionary.com, Manliness is the traditional male quality of being brave and strong.

Brave and strong…

What does this really mean? What does it mean to you to be brave and strong?

To me, it means to be strong enough to fight your demons, but brave enough to know when your strength is not enough. Must we continue to see one another as a gladiator instead of a healer; a vessel of love and strength instead of wall of deprived and fallen soldiers?

We should rise up within one another as whole– not just men but women as well. Together we can help one another achieve absolute serenity.

Men: It’s okay to show that you’re hurt, that you’re scared, that you’re sad.

It’s okay to seek help from others, whether its another man, a woman, a psychologist or psychiatrist.

It’s okay to feel weak, to feel defeated, and under-loved.

It’s okay to show emotion.

Hang in there;

Hang in there buddy, it’s going to be alright

Hang in there brother, you will be alright

Hang in there sister, you will be alright

Hang in there son, it will be alright

Hang in there daughter, you will be alright

Hang in there mother, it will be alright

Hang in there father, you will be alright

Do not give in to your inner demons. Do not allow them to control your everlasting thoughts.

Fight these thoughts as the warrior you are, drive them into a non-existent dimension where they can be condemned on their own.

Speak to us, to someone, to one or to everyone. Your words will never hit deaf ears. A fight alone is easily lost but a fight with many is readily won.

If you seek help it will be graciously given, but a closed mouth cannot be fed and a silent whisper cannot be heard.

Hang in there you, we will make it out alive. Its not just you that would end tonight.

Hang in there fella, we will make this right. Nothing in this world is worth snuffing out your light.

Do not give in to the war within, your fight will never be done.

You’ll leave more behind than a tear and shine, your pain will continue on.

Your worth is more than a thousand suns, your star is not burnt out yet.

We will band together, light a fire, a burn these thoughts to hell.

 

I hope this will reach someone who needs to read this–someone who needs to know that they’re not alone, be assured my friend, we got you.

 

Ending Friendships for Relationships

First off– Just don’t do it..

Listen,
I’m not talking about friendships that you have only had for a few weeks or months, nor am I talking about relationships that have been active for numerous years with children involved. I’m not ignorant to the fact that there different circumstances.

That being said… I am talking about ending long-term friendships for new relationships or even ones that have less time invested. Let me explain:

Joe has a best friend named Rick. They have been best friends for five years now. They hang out frequently and are practically family. Hell and back type deal…right?  Joe finds a significant other and starts seeing them. As time goes on, Joe starts drifting away from Rick, rarely contacting him, making plans he cannot keep, bailing on him, e.t.c. Their friendship becomes depleted and broken, ending their friendship in its tracks.

My take is this… If you find someone that you really like, even fall in love with and they tell you that you cannot see your best friend or hang out with them, you are with the wrong person.

Those types of friendships become family.

While I can understand that you may be seeking to start a family with someone, does that really mean you should turn your back on everyone else? Should you walk away from where you come from?

Absolutely not.

When your children are growing, wouldn’t you want your best friends by your and their side?

Don’t get me wrong, if your friend is a negative mark in your life that would be one thing, but if your significant other tries to push you away from your friends, that generally means they don’t trust you, or they have an insane jealously which in my opinion is unhealthy.

C’mon… Realistically what are you gaining from that sort of relationship? Control or being controlled? Mind games? Being told what you can and can not do for the rest of your life?

Not one single person should have enough power to control you like that. No one.

Hell, if you’re the one stopping your significant other from hanging out with their friends I will be the first to tell you that you’re wrong. You should probably walk away from that relationship because you do not have any trust in your person. You are the cancer–the detriment.

“…But I don’t trust their friends!”

They do though! It’s not your judgement to make. It’s not YOUR place to tell someone who they can and cannot hang out with. Even being their boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, baby daddy/mamma… For all you know, their friends ARE their family. How would you feel if someone were to try and come in between you and your family? Not so good, huh?

The friend (family) that have supported you through the hard times, the devastating times, the times that no one else even knows about should be the one’s you maintain… The ones you keep for eternity.

I’m sorry to say, your significant other may not last forever. Even if they last until you’re old and grey… What happens when they pass? You’ll be left with the kids you raised, yes… But nothing will ever be as special as those friendships that have lasted through hell and back…. The ones that you are sooner to give up for someone new.

Don’t just throw your friendships away for someone that swoops in and knocks you off your feet. Your friends aren’t expendable and one day, they will walk away forever. Find someone that will accept you for who you are.

You don’t need your friends to approve, but you should find someone who accepts all of you—to include your closest friends.

Lively Thoughts

Life can be exceptionally difficult at times.

Everyone’s level of tolerance for pain is different.

Don’t judge others for feeling something you normally wouldn’t at a specific point.

Don’t walk away from others in a time of crisis and then expect others to stay for you.

Show respect and you’ll receive respect. No one ever earns it acting like an asshole.

Compassion is a commodity these days. Be the standard.

Love unconditionally, regardless of the pain it may have caused previously.

Never give up on yourself, even when it seems the world has. This too shall pass.

Be empathetic, but don’t allow others to walk on you and take you for granted.

Don’t be a hypocrite. Be consistent.

Don’t be a hypochondriac.

When you cry wolf, people will stop believing in your legitimacy.

Be someone’s rock, just don’t lose yourself in the process.

When you need help, ask for it. closed mouths don’t get fed.

Don’t lie. Even if it hurts. It’ll be the biggest fault in your reputation.

Just be you. Stop trying to be anything different.

 

 

Tattoos & Professionalism

     Tattoos are a controversial subject to which I intend to weigh in on.

Coming from experience, those with tattoos on their body are often judged by appearance rather than personality.

Obviously the derogatory judgement towards those with tattoos can be viewed similarly to race and culture, but I will save that for another time…

     Work ethic–

     This is a big one that really gets me in the feels.
As an example, I was previously employed in a position where I was in the view of the public at all times of the day. For all intensive purposes, I am a 5’9 man with full tattoo sleeves (Shoulder to wrist). For the first three months at my job, I wore neutral, skin-tone sleeves over my tattoos in an effort to hide them. For three months, my work ethic was outstanding. I gained the trust and respect of nearly every employee in the building, on just about every shift there is (I floated between shifts full time). For three entire months, I responded to various high tension incidents, negotiated with persons in crisis, and dealt with the general public and staff on a daily basis.

And then… one day…. I took the covers off and went into work as myself.

Do you know what happened??

     Most people did not even bat an eye! My work ethic was completely unchanged. I still did the tasks required of me. Those who had respect and trust in me still felt the same. Their trust that I would work to my greatest ability did not waver.

     Further, my overall happiness flourished, my stress level significantly decreased, and I was able to be ME entirely; Not just half of me, but all of me.

     Crazy, huh? My appearance did not change how I presented myself.

What kind of sorcery is this!?

     Professionalism— Another topic to which attracts significant attention.

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines professionalism as “the conduct, aims, or qualities that characterize or mark a profession or a professional person;” and it defines a profession as “a calling requiring specialized knowledge and often long and intensive academic preparation.”

     No where in this definition does professionalism encompass appearance, however, it is a  societal default that is generally included.

     So, what constitutes a professional appearance?

     A majority of businesses that still maintain strict dress codes work off a military style model; For men? Short hair, well kept hair, no piercings, no facial hair except for a mustache kept trimmed to the corners of the mouth. For women? Minimal studded earrings in the ear lobes, hair kept in a bun or above the collar and natural colored hair. Oh– and for both? No tattoos below the wrists and on or above the neck.

     (This is obviously a generalization and does not include everything)

    In this ever changing society, the status quo is an evolving door that changes through the years as different fads come into light. Even the military adjusted their appearance requirements multiple times throughout history. It’s time that the civilian sector does the same.

     Not for nothing… the general public is not militarized, nor should they be treated as such.

     Should there be some sort of standard in appearance? Absolutely! There should be some kind of commonality of acceptance for things such as piercings and tattoos that are adjusted to the societal demographic in which they live in. I do not think it should vary by state but more so by country. Obviously each employer is able to set their own standards of appearance codes, but perhaps if there is a more generalized outlook country-wide there would be blanketed acceptance of such controversial topics.

     Now i know what you are thinking– “Shit Matt, how is everyone going to jump on that bandwagon when we can’t even get race to be viewed equally”

So here is my non-conclusive answer:

It all stems from the same things– Ignorance, arrogance, and judgement.

     I will go into more detail on that in later posts but for now, lets just scratch the surface. Everyone needs to have their hands in the pot. Everyone has an opinion and feel theirs should be weighed over others. It is just a humanistic quality that has become ever so prevalent in such a connected society. Everyone has become an expert in matters they have only just recently come into contact with and similarly, they feel as though their judgement, their feelings should be considered over others.

“Oh I don’t like this so, no one else should”
“I think these people are wrong so, they should be ousted from society”

     It may be a bit extreme but hopefully you get the point. I understand I may have detracted from my point a bit, but I feel as though some of this needed to be said. My appearance is still professional and is not taken away by the fact that I have tattoos. Similarly, my tattoos ARE a part of me, just as skin color IS a part of them!  The only difference is that I voluntarily tatted myself whereas coloration of skin is hereditary. Just because we look different than others does not mean we should be treated any different.

     Just because YOU feel some type of way and do not like something does not mean that other people have to feel the same way. Just because you do not like whats someone else does with THEIR body does not mean the world has to revolve, evolve, and conform to you.

     GET OVER IT. —-and yes, now I am talking about race, gender, sexual orientation, and whatever else everyone wants to judge others by.

FOR THOSE IN THE BACK—

      IT IS NOT YOUR LIFE…. STOP TRYING TO MAKE OTHER PEOPLE LIVE TO YOUR JADED EXPECTATIONS.

     Live how you want, but stop judging others based on how they live theirs. It has nothing to do with you except the fact that you get butt-hurt by things that do not have anything to do with anyone other than those directly involved.

Destructive Love

The concept of love means many different things to many different people. If you ask one person, their answer may be completely different than next. This wouldn’t be such a problem if, in order to be compatible, your belief in love should be so closely related. Thousands and millions of people every year search to find their own version of the one, the soul mate, but to no avail they find themselves in a continuously devastating and frustrating cycle, or worse… the nonexistent continuum of solitude.

It’s a new age where people no longer marry to increase their economic standing nor to improve their social image. These days, people are brought up into a belief that when you get married it should be for love, not materialistic reasoning’s such as money like previous generations were living to achieve. Divorce is abundant– Perhaps the older generations are realizing their wrong doings in marrying for this very reason. That’s not to say those in the newer generations aren’t to blame for the statistical fragmentation, the newer generations to whom lack compassion are potentially worse.

We live in a society where people are emotionally imprisoned at such a young age; By the time they find “their person”, the one with the same principles, morals, and heart, they cannot successfully hold on; They cannot trust; They cannot truly love. Persons far and wide are distraught by “relationships” and “love”, simply put, the disasters of love. From high school and those various years directly proceeding, this self-loathing obstructs and damages their egos, their emotional stability, and their will to love yet again.

Sad, isn’t it? Would waiting until you’re older to learn how to love be such a bad idea?

Being emotionally and mentally broken at such a young age certainly cannot be healthy. When someone is imprisoned to the thought, the hope of love at such a young age, when they fall in love so deeply and it gets ripped away, only a feeling that could be equated to losing a very close loved-one is relatable. Whether you want to openly admit it or not, that’s how it feels. You weep, you cry, and one thing is for certain… that feeling gallops next to you for the rest of your journey like a mule carrying your burden unless, somehow, you learn to repress it.

The impact that boy, that girl, that person has created on you marks your heart in such a way that it becomes an eternally burning scar. Such is to be true in any relationship, but when it occurs earlier in life, it destroys you. It is an irreversible commencement of internal conflict and war within your mind. This generation is a sea of destroyed, injured, and tortured hearts that beg to be fixed yet, the remedy is often another person when it should be no one other than themselves.

Far too many seek resolution within others when they are hurt, broken down, and utterly in mental chaos from heartbreak. Sometimes, they seek an emotional connection in which they form an already debilitated relationship with another; one that is doomed from the start which will only impact them further upon dissolution. Others seek a different type of consolation. They seek an intimate, sexual encounter that is often used as a distraction from the hurt that they feel. The ramifications, however, can be just as catastrophic. In fact, the emotional damage obtained through this self-sabotage is much, much deeper. This action not only affects you, but if will affect others as well. Humans are, in a defaulted nature, social beings with no control over the love they feel and where its directed. The other person, the victim, can and will be injured worse than the one seeking the distraction.

Still, it goes both ways. The unintended emotional calamity that it can and often will cause will be worse than if you took the time to heal yourself. The feeling you tried to disguise, the hurt you attempted to subside will return. It will often be followed by guilt and further sadness created no one other than yourself.

The one person you believed would release you from the downward spiral of grief.

The unsettled feelings of sadness that have not been mediated will often be left untreated– carried over into other relationships, starting the rock slide that was so mentioned from the start. This cycle not only affects the one it started with, but as a deadly virus destroying it’s host from within, it will leach onto others in its path and create a vast pool of sadness and harm ending in an avoidable catastrophe that should have been sought as solace. If only people pursued a constructive repair rather than a temporary falsehood of escape.

Such is the way of human nature.

If you are not fortunate enough to dodge the tarnation which hold such hate and injury, you may end up the same as them; Infected in a way of continuous agony…

Find your own solace. Fix yourself. Do not carry the burden that such a significant part of the word holds so dear. Be the one to overcome great depths and fight harder than those to whom gave up on you long before.

Be a new generation. One that holds the antidote for the virus named heartbreak.

We Are Not The Same

We sit here before you, pleading, praying for discontinued unrest. The tides of the seas have crashed into the shore lines for ages too long. Time has met change and change has met fall. Some of which, do not understand what we fight for any more. Those that forget the advances of our lands, have not lived in the times of the loss. Those that seek punishment, restitution have never seen the destruction in which they require compensation but only the aftermath. Every soul is created unique, different, yet, they mold together in harmony unconditionally. The fire that has burnt for generations can only be extinguished when those that continue to fan them fall.

The love we seek is not the love we share, nor is it what we require. This quarrel over morality, the detrimental fight we have continued, is one of which could have been ended countless times. Yet we continue to stand between ourselves, and our futures. We seek to fan the flames of bigotry and hatred instead of freezing them and striking it down. We do not seek to eradicate the division, only to grow it wider than the limits tenaciously built for centuries before, and presently. The souls that have withered have been in vain, when those that are ignorantly vengeful re-fan these dying flames. For all we have lost we must stand together, not afar. We must unite to close the gap of our divide before it becomes our true demise.

Initiation had been started, but the savages of ignorance blissfully continued. The desires in which we initiated, have only fed the hatred of others. Those that have taken the reigns have led others into a false battle with one another, when a battle it must not be. Must no one remember the histories in which we have won victory? The steadfast events that far surpassed the results of a wasteful war? We must come, build a formation, one stronger than the successful King once had. But in doing so, we must take after our predecessor and not fault to the destruction of ourselves as we have so seen fit.

Stronger we fair, in division we fall. The separations we have faced are not worth reparations that are blindly sought after from the innocent. Not all of us, nor any of us in this age, have been guilty of the accusations brought against them. Our ancestors may have committed the heinous acts or lived through the victimizations of hell, but that battle has surpassed us so. Seeking these restitutions of emptiness will not change the future. It will not make us stronger together. Instead, we must bare our arms with guidance from the past, to change our future.

We are not all the same. The hatred, the disadvantages you have faced, we acknowledge. We shall fight with you through the fire, arriving as one in the palaces of a brighter future. One in which love and compassion is not a rare commodity, where violence and hatred is no longer tolerated. When we come together as one, we leave no space for the intolerable. We must oust the Achilles heel and create an impervious armor, one in which shall protect us from senseless blights, senseless accusations, and division of our love. In this we shall rule together, as one where we all prevail. In doing this, we not only make our previous figures proud and spit in the face of the wicked, execrable, unspeakable souls, but we will create a foundation for future generations to live peacefully and in harmony.

We may be different, however, that is only superficial. We are life. We are love. We seek the same things. Happiness, successes and compassion. In doing so, we not only achieve everything we desire, we obtain a companionship like no other, in a world where anything is possible, and possibilities are entirely endless.